


Wear Slashscreen

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: April Showers Challenge 2011
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-02-15
Updated: 2004-02-15
Packaged: 2017-10-18 15:27:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/190311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Slash advice. Filk. Humor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wear Slashscreen

**Author's Note:**

> To [](http://ashinae.livejournal.com/profile)[**ashinae**](http://ashinae.livejournal.com/) , who started me down the dark path.  
> Filk of [Wear Sunscreen](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wear_Sunscreen)

Slashers and otherwise of Two Thousand and Four:

  
Fuck Bean.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, fucking Bean would be it. The long term benefits of big gay Bean sex have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my tirade has no basis in reality further than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this rant now.

Enjoy the virility and sexiness of his youth; oh never mind; you will not understand the yumminess of his arse and sexiness of his youth until you've seen Caravaggio. But trust me, after you rent it, you'll look back at squees you made now and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much squeeage lay before you and how much Bean you've been underestimating. Those dimples are as real as you imagine.

Don't worry about his next movie; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve a plot hole by doing algebra equations. The real questions are apt to be things like does he shave his chest; or if he streaks across the screen at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Write one thing everyday that scares you

Slash

Don't be reckless with other people's fics, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Beta

Don't waste your time on plagiarism; sometimes it's an honest mistake, sometimes they're an ass. The race is long, and in the end, there's no fucking way to win.

Keep the feedback you receive, forget the flames. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your first fics, throw away your old Mary Sues.

Read

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what bunny to write next. The most interesting people I know didn't know ten minutes before they finish what they're writing. Some of the most interesting slashers I know are those who don't know ten minutes _after_.

Get plenty of grammar classes.

Be kind to your readers, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll post it maybe you won't, maybe you'll have an archive, maybe you won't, maybe you'll leave the fandom, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken at a con in 2043. What ever you do, don't second guess yourself too much or rant too much either – your choices are half chance, and half dictated by Real Life.

Love your spell-check, use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what your teenie friends think of you using it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Write...even if you have nowhere to post it but in your own bed room.

Read the warnings, even if you don't retain them.

Do NOT read FAQs, they will only make you feel ignorant.

Get to know your community, you never know when you need them to protect you in a flame war.

Be nice to your fandom; it's the best link you have to having a life. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Understand that fandoms come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps between OTP and fanon. The more jaded you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were a newbie.

Go to a con once, but leave before it makes you abandon the fandom; take part in a slash panel once, but leave before it makes you start campaigning for the death penalty for homophobes.

Do.

Accept certain inalienable truths, newbies will come, bastards will plagiarize, you too will become an oldbie, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were new, fics had pairings in the header, flamers knew about punctuation, and newbies wrote good fic.

Write good fic.

Don't expect anyone to read your badfics. Maybe you have a degree in English, maybe you have eight fandoms under your belt; but neither of them mean dipshit.

Don't mess too much with your username, or by the time a year's gone by, no one will know who you are.

Be careful whose side of the argument you buy, but, be patient with those who can't see the forest for the trees. Wankage is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of recycling what's bad and calling it perfection. It's like calling a Mary Sue a well-rounded OFC. No matter how hard you try, it doesn't work.

But trust me on the Bean sex.  



End file.
